The Snare

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly a woman's emotions can change. Especially a pregnant woman! Yes, there are hormones, mood swings and crazy things that I am sure are happening in this pregnant body. I also know there are other ugly things like selfishness, ingratitude and stubborness that sneak into the mix to make it all dramatically more confusing and complicated. I don't think I am the only woman who would have to admit that my own emotions confuse me. And we expect guys to understand? I can only pray for my poor husband to receive special grace and wisdom from above!

But what a relief it is to find out that I can relate with King David. That man "after God's own heart" expressed the depth of his emotions to God with such passion, and yet, with such reverence and adoration. Sometimes from one day to the next (or one moment to the next) our joy and "delighting" turns to inexplicable moodiness and before we know it, one annoying thing leads to another, triggering the crabby button until we are not sure where it all started. That is the most frustrating state of being to me. The state of feeling so upset about everything, but not even knowing what or why and then trying to explain it to my concerned husband. This is what I call "the snare" because all those silly emotions mount up to a huge invisible trap that we don't know how to get out of. Kind of like this:

"Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish." Psalm 25:16-17 (NIV)

I am sure King David was going through something much more serious than my crazy emotions, but in the midst of it all I could read something like that and say a heartfelt "Amen!" But the verse preceeding these says:

"My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare." Psalm 25:15 (NIV)

Honestly it took me quite a while to open that Bible and try to find rest and help from the Lord. When a little of that selfishness and stubborness creep in, it is so hard to humble myself to admit that I haven't kept my eyes on the Lord. I really would rather say that I am a pregnant woman and this is normal and leave it at that. Yet I can't ignore that uneasiness inside that finally breaks down my pride and takes me back to the Father's heart. There I am free...and I wonder why it took me so long to run to the One who created and loves my heart.