Work Hard to Relax More: 7 Steps for Young Moms

"I feel like I need a life change" I told my wide-eyed husband recently. That probably wasn't the answer he was expecting to his usual "What are you thinking about?" question. Nevertheless, I felt like I needed to re-gain perspective and control in some areas. There were too many things that I had started to excuse as "normal" for a young mom; too many things I was just letting go and losing control of. Like what?

Mountains of laundry and dishes. Always being late. Stressing about "what's for dinner" every day and not planning ahead. Mess. Dust. Dirty bathrooms. Trash cans overflowing. My ragged appearance. Lots of guilt. And if guests were coming over...everyone get out of the way of this stressed crazy mom as she frantically tries to make it look like it's all under control! And don't anyone dare show up unexpected!!

Well, I do have two toddlers, I'm pregnant and we have a difficult schedule because of my husband's work. Many reasons to excuse myself. Plus, all moms feel like this. This is normal... right??? So we convince ourselves to take it easy, slack of on a lot of things, bake a frozen pizza for dinner...again. Certainly there's a place for "easy days". We all come to a point where we need a break sometimes. But have you noticed that if you do that for a length of time, it doesn't make you less stressed because in the end you have way more work than before?

I decided I didn't want this to be my "normal". I don't know what goes on in other people's homes, but in mine, this wasn't working. I didn't want to be a stressed, crabby wife and mom all the time, so something had to change.

I decided to email my wise mom to ask her for some "loving but truthful" advice. She shared several ideas with me that I'm going to paraphrase here because although she seemed to think she was being too forward, I found them challenging and helpful:

1. No pain, no gain. It can be very easy to baby ourselves and convince ourselves of everything we deserve. If we are serious about letting God transform us into who He made us to be, it's not usually going to be very comfortable, but always worth it in the end. Basically, if you want to have truly relaxing times to enjoy with your family, you first have to spend some time working to get things done.

2. Divorce yourself from Facebook! Be willing to recognize how much time you waste on this or any other media and don't allow it to rob your time. It usually isn't necessary to check for updates, or even post updates, every couple hours. Keep it for when everything else is done and you'll see how much more you will accomplish!

3. Pajamas are for sleeping. Unless you're sick or it's a very rare occasion, there really is no need to stay in pj's all day and therefore be unprepared for guests or look unattractive for your husband. Besides, there's something about getting yourself dressed and ready in the morning that gives you a little more energy for the rest of the day.

4. Eat well. Make sure you are preparing healthy meals for yourself and your family. When it's just you and the kids, it's tempting to just snack all day, especially unhealthy snacks and sweets. Take time to prepare healthy, energizing meals and snacks instead.

5. Communicate with your spouse. Everyone knows this is crucial in marriage. With our typically opposite personalities and tendencies, we need to figure out a way to balance each other out. (In our case, I love a set plan and he loves spontaneity.) As a stay-at-home mom, the home is your workplace and certain things have to be done or else there will be chaos and stress. In order for you to be more flexible and relaxed about things, you need to make sure those not-optional things are done.

And I'm going to add two more of my own...

6. Plan ahead! Of course, I love planning and making lists. But even if you don't, it's necessary if you want to avoid last-minute stress of any kind! Plan meals, chores, budget, activities for when the kids get fussy, etc. I took a couple days to think and make a plan that works for myself to keep up with everything and it has truly helped! I hope to share that more in detail in another post. You know what works for you, so plan it and make it happen.

7. Get up earlier. What mom doesn't just HATE that I said that!? :) I do too, but it has helped me tremendously. I am not at all a morning person, but I've discovered that if I can get up even just half an hour before the kids, get myself a cup of coffee (I pre-set my coffee maker the night before so it's hot and ready to pour when I get up!) and sit down and read my Bible for a while, my attitude and my whole day are so much better! It's made enough of a difference to make me actually look forward to that quiet peaceful sunrise time. When my husband is home, he joins me and we both love it now!

I've been implementing these things for a few weeks now and I have seen great results. I have much to learn and improve still (...who doesn't?) but I am very excited about this because I was starting to think achieving any kind of routine in this busy stage of life was hopeless. Every now and then there are those messy or out-and-about-all-day-long days when not much gets accomplished. But most days, I feel more in control of my home and surroundings instead of the other way around, which allows me to have moments like this evening, sitting in a clean house with sleeping babes, a cup of hot cocoa and some free time to blog. In a mom's life, that's priceless! :)