Almost every marriage book, conference speaker or counselor will tell you that having a regular date night is essential for a healthy marriage. Well, I don't know if I'm the only one who has wondered what is wrong with my marriage because we never seem to accomplish that. During our entire courtship and most of our engagement, we lived in different cities and even different countries at times. It wasn't until two months before our wedding that we lived in the same city. Then after we got married we had opposite schedules for the first year and a half. Needless to say, we've never had a regular weekly date night.
Like us, not everyone has an 8 to 4 job and dependable routine life. Also, like us, I am sure many young couples find themselves in a hard-working, school-loan-paying, money-saving season of life where going out to fancy (or any) restaurants and paying babysitters is just not possible on a regular basis. So then, is something wrong with our marriages? Are we guilty of not giving our relationship the priority it should have?
It dawned on me the other day that the point of "date night" is doing things together, but many marriage experts will emphasize that you should "do fun things" together. Although that may be true, I realized that the key isn't what you do, but the attitude you have about your relationship and life in general. If you haven't learned to enjoy life together, whether it's a fun date night or an exhausting sleepless night with crying babies, then no amount of "fun" will make your marriage succeed. The truth is that you could go on extravagant, fun and romantic date nights every week and still not be happy or feel satisfied because it's the tough times together that really draw you close. Life is full of long, hard days, trying moments and challenges. Some seasons are full of hard work and not a lot of free time or extra money. I'm not advocating that we should forget about making time for each other, but I am realizing that true unity and contentment in marriage is found in enjoying life together, whatever that may look like at the moment. Paul says in the Bible, "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!" (Philippians 4:4) I would say Paul was trying to emphasize something, wouldn't you? I think it's because it works! When you are able to find joy and even humor in the tough times together, it makes the fun times even better. Date night then becomes not just something we "do" but an actual celebration of our marriage and of the blessing of sharing life together. That's the kind of healthy marriage I want to have!
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